We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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