But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
