pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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