if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
