The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Holy sore nipples Batman
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
