You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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