I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So many bounce houses so little time
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize