He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
