If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
