is your mom at the bar?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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