He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
