its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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