No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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