I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
