wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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