yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
