Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
