I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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