Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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