I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
