ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize