Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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