Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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