Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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