why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
