That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
