Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
