operation harelip BJ is a go
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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