I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
