just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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