i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
