does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your dad touched me again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
