Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The struggles of a small town man whore
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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