you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
