haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize