Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
