Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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