She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
