I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
