Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
