You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize