I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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