We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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