So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
