Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
