i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
