I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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