her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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