Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
