They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
