I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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