i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
