he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
