When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
