Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
