Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
