i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
