dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize