Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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