he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
