and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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