It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
