Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
