yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
