24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
