I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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