trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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