Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
