This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
