So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
