hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
