Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
