Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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