O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
