theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize