I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need to calm my uterus...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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