Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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