i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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