You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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