Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
